Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
