I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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