You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
