Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
