I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
