the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize