it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
