Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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