Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
