So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
