Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
