White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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