U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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