we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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