If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
