I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
