If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
