Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think I won the penis lottery.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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