I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
