Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
