i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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