he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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