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Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
