I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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