Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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