I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
