If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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