I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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