I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
