he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
