I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
