the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
