watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
