Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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