I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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