When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
