I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
