VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
