i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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