Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
