someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
