just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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