First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
