Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize