Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
