Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
