I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
