no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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