Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
