who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
