All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
