That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
