I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I only lived at night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
