I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
