people are starting to question the shark bite story
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
