So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
