I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
