He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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