White coat. Heels.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
