i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
