Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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