Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize