Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
