considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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