College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do herpes really smell.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
