Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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