I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
