put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
