you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
