I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
