Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
