Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
