Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
