also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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