Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
