if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize