apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
