Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I forget how to act sober
Randomize