Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
