Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ugly people sure do ruin things
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
