***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
