and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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