Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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