I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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