were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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