I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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