sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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