Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
